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Merry Christmas… You Have A Brain Eating Amoeba

December 19, 2011 By 5 Comments

Side Note-I totally had to look up how to spell Amoeba.  And I (for the record) want to complain about how STUPID the spelling of Amoeba is.  Oh yeah… and I am pretty sure (thanks to his crazy neti-pot habit) Brian is going to catch a brain eating amoeba for Christmas.  Nothing says merry frickin’ Christmas like a parasite turning your brain into sludge.

I have never shared this before… But my husband is a little obsessed with using his neti-pot.  He started using one about 3 years ago at the urging of a friend.  His friend suggested it after Brian detailed the chore it was to blow his nose.  (I won’t go into the gory details… but it involved snorting water. I will pause for a moment while you go vomit.)  Seriously, the man couldn’t just blow his nose like a normal person.  It required advanced planning, paper towels, and a whole lotta hassle.  Why?  Because that was the only way he could get a satisfying blow… Now enter the neti-pot…

He has replacing snorting water with a magical pot of specially balanced salt water that gently cleanses his sinuses.  He still can’t just “blow” his nose… but at least the practice is a little less disgusting (only because it is far more medical and therefore socially acceptable… Just like boob jobs are more acceptable than using tissue in your bra.  Everything medical is better… right?) We have been sailing along on the clear sinus trail for the last three years until this article came out.

I know… I know… It is caused by the fluid used to irrigate your sinuses.  Not the neti-pot itself.  But guess who doesn’t use distilled water in his daily nose care regimen?  Oh ya… THIS GUY!  Tap water all the way.

So Merry Christmas Brian.  You have a brain eating amoeba.  And here I let you get that 60 inch TV for Christmas for NOTHING!

***My husband doesn’t really have a brain eating amoeba… Well that I know of.

Filed Under: christmas, family, holidays, just for fun, stephanie hansen Tagged With: , , ,

I Love A Good Flash Mob #HomeForTheHoliday

December 18, 2011 By 1 Comment

It’s true… Who doesn’t love a good flash mob?  I want to do one someday that include hundreds of puppies storming a mall.  Now that would be the CUTEST and fluffiest flash mob EVER!  And what would be more surprising than having about 250 barking bundles of joy run through the doors of the mall?  The answer is nothing… nothing could ever be more exciting. (okay… I am exaggerating… a LITTLE)

Now if anyone was thinking about surprising me for Christmas a puppy flash mob would do the trick.  I am sure Brian is on the phone with his closest dog friends right now trying to make this happen.  I really should have not put this out on the internet.  It’s likely that someone is going to steal my idea and make a puppy flash mob… and because it will be so freaking adorable I won’t have any choice but to promote said flash mob.

And since I don’t have a puppy flash mob to suprise you all with today I figured this would be the next thing… T-Mobile recently surprised patrons of a Chicago area mall with an amazing performance of ”Home for the Holidays”.  It’s pretty awesome.  Almost as awesome as puppies.

“This post is sponsored by T-Mobile.”

Filed Under: blarg, christmas, holidays, just for fun, stephanie hansen Tagged With: , , ,

Tabletop Confessions #KmartHoliday #CBias

December 2, 2011 By 5 Comments

I have a confession… I really can’t decorate for Christmas.  Seriously… I can’t.  I live with the original Scrooge McDuck (flashback to Duck Tales… remember that show?)  It pretty much takes all the unicorn magic I can muster to get him to drag the tree and box of ornaments up from the basement each year.  But if I tried to put garland around the banister it may push him over the edge.

So my task of running to Kmart to find the perfect Christmas table top decor was going to be a difficult one.  I had to get something that was simple and functional for Brian and screamed “I LOVE Christmas” for me.  I was a beginning to think that becoming a brain surgeon may be easier.  Thankfully there were so many options at my local Kmart… My worries were for nothing.  I even had a lot of fun shopping. (Which is basically like a normal person saying that breaking their arm was fun.  I usually don’t like shopping.)  There were lots of sparkly and shiny objects to keep me entertained.  And I was able to find the PERFECT items.

 

 I was able to get a pretty tablecloth, candles, 3 glass goblets, scented pine cones (WHAT???  They smell so freaking good), a place mat (or a display mat as I will use it), and a glass votive for a KILLER DEAL.  Like about half of what I expected to spend because of sale prices.

 

Now comes the real challenge… Turning this table into a holiday masterpiece that both Brian and I will LOVE.  But with all the stuff I scored it shouldn’t be that hard… right?

I guess we will all find out on the 12th when I post the finished project.  Wish me luck.  I need it.

This shop has been compensated as part of a social shopper insights study for Collective Bias. #CBias … Everything else is all me.

Filed Under: About Me, christmas, family, holidays, reviews Tagged With: , , , , , ,

It’s Turkey Time!!!

November 18, 2011 By 4 Comments

Thanks for visiting Fakesgiving Week!  Enjoy some other recipes like cranberries or sausage and mushroom stuffing.

I was going to title this post “How To Roast A Perfect Turkey” but I didn’t want to create envy among all the roasted turkeys turkeys out there.  So instead I will just give you a brief written and video (where I may or may not use the word spatchcock) recipe on how to roast a turkey. And by “brief” I mean lengthy and possibly coma inducing.  Truly, this will give you a tender, juicy, and amazeballs turkey every time… Be it Thanksgiving or Christmas.

For reals… It is pretty perfect isn’t it?  I only wish the lighting was a bit better.

Roasted Turkey
 
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Prep time

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A quick and simple recipe to roast a moist and juicy turkey.
Author:
Recipe type: Main, Turkey
Serves: 10-12

Ingredients
  • 12-14 lb Turkey
  • 2 carrots (washed and cut in half)
  • 2 celery stalks (washed and cut in half)
  • 1½ large onions (quartered)
  • 4 cloves of garlic
  • 3 bay leaves
  • 2 tsp salt
  • 1 tsp pepper
  • Paprika
  • 1½ cups poultry broth
  • Browning liquid
  • Butcher string for trussing

Instructions
  1. Watch video tutorial for full instructions
  2. Pre-heat turkey roaster to 350 degrees with about 1 cup of broth.
  3. Remove gizzards and neck from turkey and set aside (can use for gravy). Rinse inside and out of turkey with cool water and pat dry. Place turkey on a clean cutting board.
  4. Sprinkle salt and pepper in the chest cavity of the turkey
  5. Place 3 pieces of carrot, 4 quarters of onion, 3 pieces of celery, 2 bay leaves, 3 cloves of garlic in chest cavity of turkey. Place remaining celery, onion, bay leaf, and garlic in small turkey cavity
  6. Truss turkey (watch video)
  7. Evenly coat exterior of turkey with browning liquid, sprinkle with paprika, salt and pepper.
  8. Optional-Inject turkey with garlic and onion infused chicken broth paying special attention to the white meat.
  9. Place turkey in roaster. Cover and roast for about 12-13 minutes per lb. 2.5-3 hours or until internal temperature reaches 180 degrees.
  10. Remove turkey and let set for about 20 minutes.
  11. Carve and enjoy.

Grab your ingredients:

Prep work:

Watch video on additional turkey preparation: (if for no other reason than to hear me say “spatchcock”)

Almost done:

Happy Thanksgiving!

Filed Under: blarg, holidays, Recipes, stephanie hansen, thanksgiving, VLOG Tagged With: , , , , , ,

Cowboy Boots… The Best Gift I Ever Gave

December 20, 2010 By 8 Comments

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I am not known for my stellar gift giving.  Case in point, last year I gave most people in my family thermometers and first aid kits.  Not because I wished them to fall ill or get injured (okay maybe in some cases) but because I really couldn’t think of anything to buy.  Add Christmas stress and all the regular hecticness of regular life and most of the time you are going to get what I find in the check out line.

Thankfully I am just a bit better when giving gifts to my kids and husband.  Kids are obviously easy.  Before their birthdays and Christmas they start dropping hints, sending website links, and even helpful text messages to lead me in the right direction.  And my husband pretty much wants everything that lines the aisles of Costco.  I can never go wrong there.  And he is really easy going.  I can give him sawdust and milk and he would sprinkle some sugar on it and all it cereal.

I always seem to fall short when it comes to Christmas presents for Brian.  He always puts so much thought and time into finding me something I will love.  And because he is so nice about gifts he really does love anything I get him.  For years he has been wanting cowboy boots.  And I have been vetoing that request because I really don’t care for most cowboy boots.  Last year he had been particularly patient with all my Christmastime insanity and I really wanted to do something special for him.  I went down my mental list of all the things I have told him no about.  And the one thing that was at the top of that list were cowboy boots.  I knew I had to get them.

I went on a secret mission 2 days before Christmas to find the perfect boots.  Meaning, ones that he would like and I would be willing to be seen out in public with.  Trust me, it was no small task.  But I knew when I saw them it would be a magic moment.  And it happened.  At the 3rd store I visited they seemed to jump off the shelf and in my arms.

Knowing that my dear husband is an expert present guesser I had to wrap those puppies up tight.  Stuff the box with tissue paper and make sure he couldn’t easily tear the corners to take a peak.  Thankfully my masterful wrapping skills worked.  And when he opened the boots on Christmas morning he had no idea what he was getting.  In fact, he didn’t even think there were boots in the boot box.  Apparently my years of protest had convinced him I would never buy him boots.  When he opened the box and saw what was inside the only word that can describe the look on his face was “happiness”. 

Since then he has broken in, worn, and recently waterproofed those boots for winter.  And he loves them.  I kind of feel guilty I deprived him of that joy for all those years.  It’s funny how something as simple as a pair of cowboys boots can bring a smile to someone’s face each time they wear them.  I will always remember that gift giving isn’t about me.  It’s about bring a little happiness to the one’s you love.

What is the best gift you’ve given? 

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Filed Under: About Me, blarg, family, holidays, stephanie hansen Tagged With: , , , ,